6: Sweater Snag

I feel like I've put a lot of conscious work into my being during my lifetime, all with the intention or hope of eventually becoming a self-actualized human with a meaningful existence. I came up with a metaphor for this thought: It's almost as if I've been knitting this cable knit sweater my whole life - every experience, every person, every thing I've encountered has been weaved into the fibers of this sweater by hand. As a result, I'd imagine some areas on this sweater would allude to skill, thought, and expertise; while other parts of it might look ratty, rushed, and expose unattended snags that still need repair. Similarly, there are many emotional struggles I've overcome, but a few remain that are still delicate; triggers, if you will. 

And you know, sometimes an otherwise insignificant experience can pass you by and catch you in just the right little snag, unraveling just the right thread that would undo years of hard work almost instantaneously! It happens! Sometimes some small bullshit occurs and you find yourself mentally reacting to it more than you should (by comparison to other personal experiences). You ask yourself why do I feel FEELS: Why do I feel vulnerable, foolish, and careless? How could I let this get under my skin? Why is my sweater all jacked up now? 

Then you realize it: oh, that experience pulled that snag that nobody knows exists but me. That experience had recognizable patterns that my being, specifically, registers as traumatic. You realize you're exposed, and thankfully, only you know it. But you hurt now and you want to mitigate that pain so your other feelings can coexist peacefully. What to do? Wallow? Rock a crop top cable knit sweater that isn't you? No - the only thing that makes sense is to sit down and knit yourself a new segment of your cable knit sweater with extra self-care, strength, wisdom, and love. 

TL:DR; Sometimes you're having a good time, and then suddenly you're not, and then you take it personally because the whole thing happened to trigger some childhood trauma garbage and you're like 'wow okay, that's not my fault let's get it together' so you make an agreement with yourself to just have way more chill moving forward. 
 

<3